When I grow up...

When you're a kid, everybody asks you what you want to be when you grow up. Fireman, astronaut, princess, - they rank high on plenty of kids lists, I'm sure. But I never really wanted any of those things. Sure, I liked the idea of being a hero, or of having people running around having to do exactly what I, beautiful beyond belief, wanted them to. But my aim never seemed to be as fantastical as all of that. For a long time, I wanted to be an author. This was back in the days when I actually finished the stories I started (although, based on evidence found in several exercise books buried deep in cupboards when helping my parents move from the family home this month, I clearly didn't finish them all then, either). Of course, those stories ran to 10 pages of illustrated drama - my all time favourite is titled "Murder in the Dark", written at age 10, and featuring dripping knives, things that go bang, and finishing with an arrest after the gruesome death scene - but hey, for a kid, they were master pieces. I was convinced that I would be published.

Once I'd given up on that dream, or at least pushed it further back in my mind, I wanted to be in the Air Force. Blame it on being made to watch The Right Stuff and Top Gun too many times, but I wanted to be a fighter pilot. I had visions of me flying all over the world, doing aerobatics, being an ace like the ones I saw in movies. Reality put paid to that dream when I got to about 16. As an unfit, lazy female, there was no way I was ever going to be put in charge of several million dollars worth of fighter plane. If I was lucky, they'd let me fly a cargo plane; women didn't get to do combat operations. And thank god for that, is all I can say, because the thought now of being in that situation is enough to scare the pants off me.

I think the last dream I had was to be a journalist; yes, the shy kid in the corner who has barely met a deadline in her life and certainly never voluntarily asked a question, you'd make a fine member of the press. One of my class mates did follow this road, into TV news. The other day I saw her interviewing the former deputy principal of my school and having to criticise her; it must have been a kind of bittersweet moment for both.

Notice, though, when asked what you want to be, it's always a job. No kid ever says they want to grow up to be kind, or funny, or anything that involves a personality trait. Maybe I'm noticing this because I'm evaluating what I want to be when I finally finish growing up - because 30 clearly isn't grown up enough. What will I end up being? I'm yet to settle on a dream that fits, but I don't want to resign myself to the idea that I will never find myself somewhere that is truly and completely me. Yes, I enjoy my current job most of the time. I could do without the whinging of a colleague, without the stupidity of people, but as far as jobs go, it's not bad. Somewhere in London, L is picking herself up off the floor at me saying that a job isn't bad. But I conceded long ago that work is a necessity; it just could be more...me.

So the search continues. My recent run-in with writing a thesis has put academia firmly out of my head. I've tried architecture and interior design with some success, but little joy. So the question remains; when I grow up, what will I be? If I figure it out, I'll let you know...

You're kidding, right?

I made the mistake of reading the Herald Sun today. It's always a mistake for me to dip into the tabloids. They only end up making me angry. But what can I say, it was the only available reading material at work at lunch today. So I read it, and proceeded to get angry.

See, it seems that the Australian PM has been visiting the other countries in the region, and she took along her partner, who the tabloid in question has patronisingly dubbed 'The First Fella'. I had thought that all the ruckus about having a female prime minister, and an unmarried on with a live-in boyfriend at that, had died down. I figured that the conservatives had resigned themselves to the fact that a woman is just as able to do the job as a man, and that anyone - even the PM - can live in sin if they choose to, without endangering the well being of anybody under their care. After the lashing that Bettina Arndt received following her comments about the relationship between Julia and Tim, a piece of writing that set Australia back about 50 years in most people's opinion, I had thought that it would all die down.

Except now it's flared up again. "Serious" media has commented on the man's dress sense and presentation, as well as her choice of clothing. But today's little stinger took the cake. Because apparently, the fact that Julia took her partner with her on a trip to Muslim countries has made her unsuitable to lead the country. It's supposed to be insensitive, and to have caused all of the leaders to pull out of meetings with them. Yeah, because people who live for politics let somebody's relationship status come between them and a potential route to power. Just as likely a reason for the cancellation of the meetings - which probably wouldn't have been made in the first place if her living situation was truly an issue - was the fact that there was a volcano erupting in Indonesia - a reason also given the Hilary Clinton for not meeting her this week. In Malaysia, the leader is said to have chicken pox. Yes, a potentially life threatening illness for adults, especially difficult for adult men. But no...he's faking it to get out of a meeting with the promiscuous woman who travels - shock, horror! - with her partner.

If she was a man, who installed his mistress as a secretary in order to take her with him on business trips, would there be so much comment? And perhaps the greatest irony is that the people who are criticising her for being insensitive to the Muslim beliefs that prevail in Indonesia and Malaysia are the very same people who attack the backwards world view of Muslims arriving in Australia from the Middle East and North Africa. What the hell, people? I know there are plenty of people who don't agree with living together without being married. Fine, you can have whatever beliefs you choose - that's the luxury of living in a developed, Westernised society. But don't think that it's OK to impose those beliefs on others. And don't think that as Australians, we have to choose our leaders based on the beliefs of countries in our region. Because those beliefs will never match each other perfectly. And at the end of the day, surely our leaders ought to represent our own beliefs? Call me nuts, but just a thought...