Of Mice and Men...(or chocolate and fried foods, at any rate)

There are rules that govern the universe, and they all seem to be coming to bite me at the moment. The latest one is the rule that says as soon as you aren't allowed to have something - and it can be anything at all - straight away that's a thing that you want. Desperately. More than life itself. And there are so many things in the world that fall into this category for me, that I thought I'd indulge myself in a little materialism and go through a few of them, in the hope that there will be some relief from the wanting that seems to take up not only my time (like my love of reda for example. And I'm hoping like crazy that the link comes out on that properly, because I've never tried one of them before, and I have no idea what I'm doing. But that's another thing I'm quite often wanting - a clue.)

So, here goes.

I'm not allowing myself to eat junk food at the moment. This comes out of the sudden realisation that it's a little over 2 months until I'm going to be immortalised on film at my friend's wedding. Given that it's my brother doing the photography, I have very little faith in him wanting to catch me from a good angle. And then there's the fact that the bridesmaid dresses, lovely as they are, are satin. Teal satin. Not necessarily the most flattering look for anyone above the miniscule-can-fit-into-the-clothes-of-a-small-child size that one of the other bridesmaids is. The catch is, as good as this resolution may be for the wedding photos, it simply isn't good for my mental state. I work in an office that is basically above not just one, but two take away food outlets, next door to a chinese takeaway, and up the road from a whole host of other junk food suppliers. They have been, if not my firends, certainly my comfort on days like today, when I have the feeling that a cold is about to descend on me in full force and I crave chocolate or, more particularly, donuts or potato cakes. None of the others in the office are under the no-junk-food injunction, so they're free to bring in whatever they choose. And bring they do. This morning we've had chips, potato cakes, battered savs, dim sims, donuts and coffee scrolls moving through the office. There's only 10 people who work here. And five of them are in a room next door. This is an office that loves junk food, make no mistake. And it is torture - kind of like chinese water torture, actually, where you get pinned down and forced to listen - in this case smell - but can't do anything about it. It is a serious test of my will power. And the most miraculous discovery of the week is that I actually have some. The clostest I have cme to caving in was the desperate need for caffiene that could only be satisifed by fizzy drink, since I drink neither tea nor coffee. But I was good. I went the Zero otpion, no matter how loudly and seductively the sugar-packed alternative called my name. And it was certainly yelling fit to burst as I closed that fridge door.

YEs, it's indulgent to sit here and rant about how much I hate having to denymyself these luxuries. I know. There are people starving in the world. Some of them are probably jsut down the road from me,in fact, being housed in a shelter not far from here. Believe me, I know this. Knowing it, and stopping myself from the wanting, and the whining, are completely separate issues, however. So, until they decide that the delights of the take away food outlet are to be shared equally throughout the world (and the coinciding concern about the expansion of waist lines is also shared in a more equitable fashion), I'll keep on with the wanting - and probably the whining at the people who make the wanting that much harder to bear. It's another one of the rules. Life isn't fair. If it was, I'd be able to have my cake and eat it too. And then be able to walk down the aisle in front of my friend without any concerns about popping a seam or falling out of my dress. No, life is most definately not fair.