Mad, Bad and Dangerous

Sometimes there is something undeniably, inexplicably satisfying in being just a teensy bit nasty. I'm not sure what it is. According to a conversation I had with Flatmate, it's this enjoyment of being rude that makes me scary sometimes. It gives an edge to my tongue, apparently, that makes people a little wary of getting on my wrong side. I don't see that myself, of course. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a pussy cat with occasional bouts of temper. Unless there's something a little bit nasty going on.

I know I'm not alone in this, so why I'm any more terrifying than the next person I wouldn't know. For instance, when it was discovered that the annoying girl on my Scotland tour, conveniently called Caroline, hated the Neil Diamond song 'Sweet Caroline', I was far from being the only person joining in on the bah bah bah's while the girl herself seethed. I also stopped after the second chorus, more than can be said for many others. But somehow, I'm the one with the reputation.

It has to be more than a verbal thing, as well. When I was in something of a mood the other day walking - OK, hurrying - through the tube tunnels against the flow of traffic, there was obviously something going on when, without me saying a word, or even looking directly at them, people would move out of my path in a hurry. In fact, one person had such a look of terror on her face that we were laughing about it for a good ten minutes after she scurried out of my way like someone dodging a car on the footpath in a b-grade movie. I know I'm tall, and that I have a look of death that has made grown men almost cry (true...he was wearing black acid wash jeans, a black AC/DC t-shirt, and had just spilled beer down my leg. He couldn't apologise fast enough), but seriously, what can be so bad? And why is it so much fun to know that out there somewhere are people who have been genuinely terrified of me? And why can I never produce it on command?

I'm yet to be able to get rid of the people who hang around me on a daily basis, so clearly I can't be too scary. From the genuine innit geezer at work who comes to visit my team several times a day, to the succession of friends-of-friends who just don't take a hint (how many months of being hung up on does it take for some people to realise I'm-just-looking-for-friends was the clue I'm not interested???), I have quite a few people I would love to be able to terrify. For now though, I just have to live with the satisfaction of being snide and sarcastic. It's just as well I enjoy it so much then, really.