Crush and burn

I'm doing it again. My expectations are getting far ahead of anything there's evidence to support. Somewhere, Hope careered wildly off its leash and ran off into the distance, taking me along for the journey. I can't complain about it too hard now. but what about when the wild ride ends, as it inevitably does, in a crash and burn situation? Well, I reserve the right to bitch and moan then.

But for now, all is sunshine and light. I've been messaging a guy online for about a week. The emails have been flying back and forth, and from the emails I was getting the impression that he was a nice enough guy. But I can usually keep myself in check when it's just emails; I know from bitter experience that a good writer of emails does not necessarily translate into a perfect fit for me. But this guy - let's call him Q - has a good enough writing style, and enough similar interest to me that we haven't struggled with emails.

The bit we have struggled with is finding a time to meet up in person. We're both studying, and both very busy with it right now. So one way or another we're not getting a face to face meeting for a week or two. And for one reason or another, I think he might be thinking along similar lines tome here, because we've exchanged phone numbers - earlier today, no less - and he called me tonight. And, over the phone at least, he seems like a nice normal guy. I know you're not supposed to do this, but he checks boxes. Intelligent enough, bit of a laugh, voice not an irritating whine, likes to read quality books, a bit of a handy-man. The boxes that can be checked without meeting someone have been ticked. And here's the thing. Once again, the anticipation is building. The delay in the face to face bit means that there's more pressure on this than there would otherwise have been. I have more time to create expectations of what he'll be like. And if he doesn't measure up to them, I'll be once again shattered. Or worse. What if I don't measure up to his expectations?

And what happens when my visa is up, if there's no great collapse of one or both of our hopes? Because he's close to his family, has a tight network of friends, from the sound of things. And he's already asked me how I handle being so far from my family. So even if things do go well in the short term, there's longer considerations.

And I'm so far ahead of myself, it's getting ridiculous. I haven't quite booked the church and named the first born, but give me a week or so and I'll be there, I'm sure. I love the buzz it gives you, the complete inability to stop smiling. The sense of crush. But I hate coming down off it and landing back in reality. Here's hoping that this time, there's more crush than crash. The details can sort themselves out.